How being an overachiever can lead to serious long-term misery and simple steps to become a high performer

Are you an overachiever or a high performer? Throughout my coaching experience I have coached many hardworking clients who have come to me because they are working long hours, are anxious and stressed about the future and unbalanced. In a recent article I was recently asked what the difference between an overachiever and a high performer was and to give tips on how to transition from the unhealthy role of an overachiever to the more healthy and rewarding role of a high performer.

Before I delve into some detail about the traits of an overachiever through a set of questions, it is important to sumarise the key aspects of the high performer. These people understand that the process is just as important as the result. They are the ones who nurture the people around them and build up businesses. The journey becomes the vital component in ensuring true long term success. So as you can see it is very healthy and fruitful to become a high performer, but why is it so unhealthy to be an overachiever?

Q) In your opinion what qualities or characteristics set overachievers apart from the rest?

  • They are future focused, constantly worrying about what the future holds rather than enjoying the present and the journey itself.
  • They are perfectionists, going above and beyond on each and every task they do.
  • Work long hours, doing more of the work that people would stay away from.
  • They hate failure or fear it and if they fail they view it as a slight on themselves.
  • They secretly have a lot of self doubt, thinking they are not good enough.
  • They seek love and approval through external ways. They will work harder than everyone else and do more on a task because they think it equates to love. By working hard people will love them more.

Q) Do you think that once a person starts doing well in a certain field there is a certain pressure to continue to excel? Both internally and externally?

  • Yes if you start very well and set high (unrealistic) expectations to start with you will be putting pressure on yourself and facing pressure from others to maintain or even surpass that level. Raise the bar too soon and you are expected to keep growing and pushing on, sometimes to an unrealistic level. I believe slow and steady wins the race and it is better for long term emotional health. Pick and choosing what to excel or work even harder on is key. The bosses will give more work and praise lots. You may come addicted to the validation that you associate with praise, feeling love and respect comes from working harder and getting praised. You will then search for more to do and say yes to things you should not be doing and that others don’t want to do.

Q) Tell me about that internal pressure — how can it take a toll on a person?

  • It can lead to that person becoming stressed and exhausted. All the long hours to get ahead of the game and doing work to ‘perfection’ – editing it, improving it and never quite thinking it will be good enough. It may lead to you not sleeping that much or have interrupted sleep as your brain is engaged and active.
  • The never-ending competition with yourself and others will inevitably take its strain. Overachievers view failure more as a personal reflection on themselves and it will eat them up inside, whereas a high performer is more likely to embrace failure as part of the journey to ultimate goals. Rather than fear it and stay in the comfort zone they seek challenges and the growth that comes from that.

Q) Can it lead to an early burnout?

  • Yes over achievers tend to be unbalanced. They tend to sacrifice their social life for a perfectionist life duly working on everything they are given regardless of the value it adds.
  • They will feel resentment in long term and quickly burn out. If you imagine spinning lots of plates at once, eventually you will become tired and drop them.

Q) What can over achievers start to do to handle the internal pressure?

  • They can set a realistic time limit on their decisions and tasks and stick to it as best as they can. Flawlessness and perfection is impossible, in fact it’s the enemy of good. Yes its ok to do over and above for some things but not everything. Pick over and above for the high value tasks.
  • Start to do less important things imperfectly – set a certain time for those tasks and do the best job within that time slot. Then assign more time for the high priority, bigger, and most valuable tasks.
  • Think about your work duties and strengths and take a moment to ask yourself the following things:
    “Is this something I’m expected to do within my job role?”
    “Is this something I enjoy and have a strength for doing?”
    If yes…
    “How will it benefit me or the company if I do it?”
    “What is the value added of doing this job?”
  • Focus on work that adds value not putting excessive work into things anybody can do and becoming a busy bee. Anybody work does not get you the promotion.
  • Know when to wait, when to attack, how to sacrifice, and when to change direction.
  • Take a moment to meditate daily (headspace app) so you are in the present instead of angry/upset about past and being anxious or worried about the future.

Q) What can over achievers do to handle the external pressure? (from parents/ friends/ teachers or colleagues if they’re working)

  • Communicate openly and honestly to manage expectations
  • Learn to say no on occasions to work that does not add value.
  • Take time out to strategies and target the value added / most important task first.
  • Listen to your own self-talk and be more loving towards yourself. Your words and thoughts are more valuable than others.
  • Take time out for self (life balance). Make your health (physical and emotionally) the most important priority.
  • Start meditation. Try first with Headspace – a free app to get you into the present frame of mind for 10-15 minutes a day. Remember you don’t need to be great at it, do your best and know you will improve. Know that great things take time and commitment.
  • Learn to take off the mask and put the ego aside. Practise being your transparent, authentic and honest self.

Q) What should all overachievers keep in mind in order to transition into high performers (achievers)?

  • It is so important to remember that the joy is in the journey itself and not purely on the outcome. Success or failure is simply feedback and learning that will help your future growth.
  • Life is about taking risks and sometimes failing. It is how you will ultimately grow. Good and great things come outside the comfort (dying) zone and on the other end of fear are the challenges you need to grow.
  • Choose tasks that will quicken your growth, that are a struggle, yet add great value. You cannot win and be great at everything. Pick and select what you will do and what you will work over and above at.
  • You feeling of love do not come from someone else praise on the tasks you do. It comes from inside of you. Work on loving yourself regardless. Get in the habit of talking positively about yourself and your worth.
  • Differentiate between the image you project and the real person you are. As an overachiever, you are tempted by the trappings of success because they are proof that, “You won the game.” At least this one. You feeling of love do not come from someone else praise on the tasks you do. It comes from inside of you. Work on loving yourself regardless. Get in the habit of getting self recognition (talking positively about yourself and your worth) rather than external recognition
  • Start to say no to unrealistic expectation from others and most importantly from yourself.

Discover the 10 Steps to understanding ‘What’ is important to you’

Are there times in your life when you wonder why certain situations, jobs, conversations just don’t feel right? We often say “I just didn’t warm to him/her” or “I’m not happy with the work ethic of that company.”

In our lives, we all have things we hold as important that we wish to be met in the varying contexts of our life e.g work, home, health.

Are there times in your life when you wonder why certain situations, jobs, conversations just don’t feel right? We often say “I just didn’t warm to him/her” or “I’m not happy with the work ethic of that company.”

In our lives, we all have things we hold as important that we wish to be met in the varying contexts of our life e.g work, home, health.  These are our key Criteria.  When our criteria are met, we feel great, aligned and on track.  When these aren’t met, we can feel on edge or unhappy. Things can be going against the grain for us.

Understanding your highest criteria in certain contexts can provide you with the ability to make the right decisions and choices to increase your alignment and being fulfilled in that area of your life.

Whilst your criteria may differ across the various contexts of your life, they will be guided by your Values. Values usually span all the contexts in your life.

Knowing what your values are will help you to make better decisions when you have choices and also help you to understand your reactions and give you more emotional intelligence when your choices are limited.

Understand your higher Criteria and Values and take these 10 steps to become more resourceful for decision-making:

To understand the important Criteria in a context, take the following steps:

  1. Choose an area in your life and ask yourself:

‘What is important to me in this particular context?’

  1. Then ask ‘What else is important?’ and repeat this question so you have at least 6 things listed.
  2. Review the list and choose the three that resonate the most with you.

These are your highest criteria for that area of your life.

  1. Now take a step back, and look at whether your top 3 are being met in that particular context of your life?

If they are: Great! You are likely to feel aligned and comfortable in your current path in that area.

If they are not: How does it make you feel? If you want to improve or change this feeling, ask: ‘How can I create options for my top 3 to be present in that context?’

  1. Repeat this exercise with any of the contexts in your life.

To understand the Values that drive you and your decisions, take the following steps:

  1. Pick a peak experience where you felt aligned. Things were rich, full and flowing. There may have been challenges but you were on a roll.
  2. Now think about what was important to you in that situation. Were there any Values that were being honoured?
  3. Now think about a low experience where something or someone drives you crazy or makes you upset or frustrated. What is it you are feeling, thinking or hearing?
  4. What values in this situation are being violated? Is the value being neglected and you don’t feel ‘true to yourself’?
  5. Now take a step back and look at the relationship between the two experiences (Peak and Low). What are the Values being honoured and neglected?

How does this affect you?

What could you do to have more peak experiences?
What values need to be honoured so you feel more fulfilled?

What can you do so your decisions are more aligned with your Values?

If you can’t make those decisions, now you are aware of the Values being challenged or violated, how can you better manage your response?

What will you do differently now?

When you know what your criteria and values are, it gives you the power to make better-informed decisions, where alignment and satisfaction play out, if you choose for it to. It also gives you an understanding as to why you may feel frustrated, tense or not warming to a person or situation.

Remember:  Your life is your creation.  Is your knowledge of What’s Important To You supportive of a fulfilled life?

You can’t make the proper adjustments if you’re unaware of your challenges. You can’t create change if you don’t make the adjustments.

Contact us for a free strategy session to understand how our Master NLP Life Coaches can help you better understand your life and where you want to be. Email info@uaecoaching.com or call us on 0551387652.